to all the dreamers:
go ahead and build your air castles;
let no one tear them down.
you are just as strong as they;
but your armor doesn't show.
.& god, doesn’t he know
i need him like i need breath
and he’s worth the universes i see in his eyes,
he calls himself monster,
but really he’s my angel,
and don’t tell me there are angels all around me
[i already have one.]
51& she was one step away from irredeemable,
two from being saved,
but she never wanted more than a star-crossed kiss.
(she never did get one)
and she was stuck begging,
lover, death, can't we dance just
one more time?
life is but a dream& she said,
let me tell you, winter’s girl,
we’re not getting any further from our nightmares,
all we do is waste day by day.
and i say,
well, well you are not helping,
miss fire-eyed lunatic,
you’re no more right than me,
and maybe all we’ve lost is a step,
not the whole path.
(she says i’m pathetic,
hope is a daydream for fools and priests)
find your way home to mommy,
cuz you’re fading, fading,
and i’ll do naught but watch.
(she never was one for kindness.)
[well tell me how to get out of this head,
i don’t want it anymore.]
50& he says
you say you are healed,
but your heart is red and raw.
confess, little girl, you are what you always were:
[i tell him he’s wrong; really,
we’re all broken-hearted,
but hey at least it’s something.]
lavender& mother said
you weren't born with ice in your veins,
you used to be warm,
and i said
'mother dear i can't change this'
and she replied
yes, you can,
you burned your bridges, now burn yourself.
i am incendiary and inflammatory,
but i will never be your sunshine-hearted girl
and she said
if you keep thinking of graveyards,
you will end up in one.
[it doesn't matter,
and she says she never cared anyway.]
this is you and me and both of usi have never missed you like the beat under my skin
(s k i p p i n g and sttttuttering)
you are more constant than that,
and it’s less like an ache and more like a hollowness
(oceans aren’t enough to keep us apart,
but miles sure do try)
and i tell myself that i’m green and growing
(but really i am grey, fading, fading)
and i wish i could show the brighter side of life
but it’s hard to do when i stare at old bricks and new sidewalks
and think the world is going to hell.
[and this was meant to be a love poem,
but the ghosts are chasing the monsters out,
and i don’t know which i am, anymore.]
how to love medon’t.
run as fast as you can,
tell me every word in your heart,
but don’t love me,
because i will never let you go,
[and no-one wants to be held down,
people drown like that, don’t you know.]
i tend to lose myself in ocean-grey daydreams,
listening to dialtones and voicemails,
but never being brave enough to pick up the phone,
never being wild enough to answer it.
don’t love me, but do,
because no matter how many walls you build,
or bridges you burn,
love sneaks its way in,
steals the china & breaks the sink,
and we’re left with nothing but the pieces.
49[i always was a sucker for tradgedy]
wait, let’s go back,
unburn those bridges and unsay those words,
cuz baby i’m only bulletholes now,
and i wish you weren’t holding the gun.
I'd Rather Be DeadYou're always asking me if I had anything worth dying for.
I'll pose the opposite to you and ask you this:
"Why is it that you find life to be worth living?"
Is it so interesting to go through each day feeling anxious?
To the point that you feel nauseated enough to collapse.
Is it so joyous to spend each night staring at a blank ceiling,
Hearing the clock tick on toward morning,
And yet you lie awake.
Tired, but awake, emotionless, but awake...
Do you truly get up each day, facing it with optimism.
Or do you look at the news and the state of the world,
And genuinely fear for your safety?
Now, if it were me that you had asked my dear,
I'd tell you quite honestly: That I'd rather be dead.
At least I would not have to hear the white lie inside my head.
That tomorrow will bring me a 'better' day...
But of course, you are welcome to believe that.
Stripping MeYou may take what you want from me,
Be it my pride or dignity.
You may throw insults at me,
And burn the shredded pieces of my sanity.
You may belittle me, as much as you want,
If only to make your meager life worth living.
But even if you do all that...
No one will protect you when I pull you into the dark.
No one will try to search for you, as my leather ropes tie you down.
No one will hear your screams as metallic screws drive into your face,
Etching an eternal smile, since you'll never leave this place...
"Now then, my dear sweet James, shall we play our favourite game?"
You are someone's reason to liveShe had skin like a cactus-
could only hurt
anyone who got
she held what
i'd haunt you if you'd like.my hands are paralyzed and you're waiting for me to touch your face,
but that doesn't really matter because i'd rather touch your soul
and if you close your eyes long enough i'll read you poetry as we lay atop the monkeybars
in this old and rusted park
you can pretend to know the constellations and point them out to me and i'll tell you they're all beautiful, but nothing compared to you
if i'm lucky you'll blush and laugh at me,
tell me i say the dumbest things but deep down it'll register in your soul just how much i love you
and i know they say you can only save yourself, but darling i swear if you'll just have the slightest bit of faith i'll save the fuck out of you or i'll destroy myself trying,
because i honestly can't think of any other purpose for my life
or what smidge of it i've been able to hold on to.
Hopeful HeartThe sky is pitch black
And so is my heart
After all the pain
I went through
After all the effort
For a lost cause
So I look up
Looking for a star
A ray of light
To guide me away
Away from this darkness inside my heart
You have to know pain to....Sometimes you have to fall apart.
You have to bleed out,
In order to have the courage to shout.
Against the darkness.
You have to know what it's like,
To feel disconnected,
To be best friends with your anxiety,
Because it's the only thing to keep you company.
Because you've never felt so lonely.
Even though you're surrounded in a sea of noise,
Which drowns out your voice.
As you choke,
On society's noose
You're afraid to cut it loose.
Because you don't know what others will think of you.
You have to know depression.
You have to know what it's like to be alone.
You have to know what it's like to be silenced.
In order to appreciate breathing,
And to fall in love with colors.
After being blind,
For all of that time.
And only being able to see memories,
In order to appreciate a person's presence.
And the feeling,
When you finally find a friend.
Who will stick with you until the end.
And not judge you for your scars.
But loves who you are.