to all the dreamers:
go ahead and build your air castles;
let no one tear them down.
you are just as strong as they;
but your armor doesn't show.
you were not born with nine lives,
windchaser, you just get one,
do not waste it.
you will find the fire in your eyes,
where the oceans meet the moon
and the sky droops over atlas's broken back.
maybe, you will find peace.
there are no bandages for shattered hopes,
and time does not heal all wounds.
you were born to be legendary or cemeterial,
give me a grin, ghost-chaser,
been too long since we last felt alive.
there are no heroes, nowadays.i
do you ever wonder,
if eirene just gave up,
knowing we’d never be at peace with ourselves?
& my poetry is sick, dying,
even it doesn’t want to face the world, anymore.
maybe i’ll look back when i’m 20 (or dead)
and wonder who i even was,
back when i thought there were happy endings.
[i know the truth: there are no heroes, nowadays]
.& god, doesn’t he know
i need him like i need breath
and he’s worth the universes i see in his eyes,
he calls himself monster,
but really he’s my angel,
and don’t tell me there are angels all around me
[i already have one.]
51& she was one step away from irredeemable,
two from being saved,
but she never wanted more than a star-crossed kiss.
(she never did get one)
and she was stuck begging,
lover, death, can't we dance just
one more time?
life is but a dream& she said,
let me tell you, winter’s girl,
we’re not getting any further from our nightmares,
all we do is waste day by day.
and i say,
well, well you are not helping,
miss fire-eyed lunatic,
you’re no more right than me,
and maybe all we’ve lost is a step,
not the whole path.
(she says i’m pathetic,
hope is a daydream for fools and priests)
find your way home to mommy,
cuz you’re fading, fading,
and i’ll do naught but watch.
(she never was one for kindness.)
[well tell me how to get out of this head,
i don’t want it anymore.]
50& he says
you say you are healed,
but your heart is red and raw.
confess, little girl, you are what you always were:
[i tell him he’s wrong; really,
we’re all broken-hearted,
but hey at least it’s something.]
lavender& mother said
you weren't born with ice in your veins,
you used to be warm,
and i said
'mother dear i can't change this'
and she replied
yes, you can,
you burned your bridges, now burn yourself.
i am incendiary and inflammatory,
but i will never be your sunshine-hearted girl
and she said
if you keep thinking of graveyards,
you will end up in one.
[it doesn't matter,
and she says she never cared anyway.]
this is you and me and both of usi have never missed you like the beat under my skin
(s k i p p i n g and sttttuttering)
you are more constant than that,
and it’s less like an ache and more like a hollowness
(oceans aren’t enough to keep us apart,
but miles sure do try)
and i tell myself that i’m green and growing
(but really i am grey, fading, fading)
and i wish i could show the brighter side of life
but it’s hard to do when i stare at old bricks and new sidewalks
and think the world is going to hell.
[and this was meant to be a love poem,
but the ghosts are chasing the monsters out,
and i don’t know which i am, anymore.]
how to love medon’t.
run as fast as you can,
tell me every word in your heart,
but don’t love me,
because i will never let you go,
[and no-one wants to be held down,
people drown like that, don’t you know.]
i tend to lose myself in ocean-grey daydreams,
listening to dialtones and voicemails,
but never being brave enough to pick up the phone,
never being wild enough to answer it.
don’t love me, but do,
because no matter how many walls you build,
or bridges you burn,
love sneaks its way in,
steals the china & breaks the sink,
and we’re left with nothing but the pieces.
You are EverythingYou are amazing.
You are the smiling face,
That gave that kid
Better hope for this place.
You are the helping hand,
Even if you didn’t know it,
That helped everything turn out
Better than planned.
You are the voice
That helped someone
Make a vital choice.
You are the joke
That made them laugh
And gave them that stroke
Of happiness that they needed.
You are the bright eyes
That light the way,
A lantern of hope
Through the fog of lies.
You are their push towards
Their positive afterwards.
And you are far from worthless.
Are the most important person
In the world.
We are all characters
In someone else’s story.
That pivotal point,
That pushes them from misery,
And leads them to their glory.
I Will Love MyselfSilence was at my doorstep.
Rain fell from the storms of my eyes
and hit the cold earth of my cheeks.
Sunlight fell down my face
in gentle waves.
And blood tinted lips
smiled only slightly.
The gentle spring
that bloomed inside my chest
had begun to grow
and replace the winter
whose frost had held tightly
onto my heart.
Silence was welcome.
Tears were shed in joy.
Sunlight was here to warm
and blood to live.
This was it.
I had made it.
I know who I am.
Eat Something, PleaseIt's your fault, you know.
It's you who's spewing your guts into the toilet,
like powdery snow.
Every day you hit the bathroom floor,
grasp the porcelain rims,
and your vomit echo through the door.
I hate it! I hate it, more than anything in the world.
I wish you could just tape your mouth shut,
and your noises I could ignore.
It's all about you, and the agony you've been through,
but through your selfishness and saliva,
I hope you realize I suffer too.
I stay by your side when you treat me like crap.
When you scream at me and yell,
I've always had your back.
How I wish I could purge when life gets too tough,
I wish I could be weak like you,
but my strength is just too much.
How wonderful it would be, if you could take my place,
and when you saw your broken form,
then you would see the pathetic look on your face.
But “plop, plop, plop” your vomit continues to roar,
and through the repetitive screech,
how I wish I could slam the door.
I wish I had the strength to leave your
I Won't Let You Become Like MeI saw you fall to the floor.
Because you couldn’t take this anymore.
You laid there and said to me,
Through tears that fell from your eyes,
“Who cares if I were to die?”
Reminding me of those hundreds of times,
I’ve seen people bend and break.
I’ve gotten so used to smiles that are nothing more than fake.
I remembered standing by silently,
Watching everyone collapse around me.
Seeing bottles scattered around,
Broken glass covered the ground.
And I wondered to myself,
“Is he ever going to get better?”
And I watched you as you died,
Slowly tearing yourself apart from the inside.
Memories are still flickering,
Behind my eyes.
I suddenly remember my own cries,
For someone to save me.
Because I was so close to falling,
That the abyss seemed more inviting,
Than trying to hang on for a moment longer.
Because my arms were too tired,
To hold on.
I am back in reality,
Watching you fade away.
And I see myself,
And the countless other people I’ve wit